Role Models

Have you had an “aha” moment lately? I just did. And that “aha” moment has led me to realize a lesson that I am going to have to teach my daughter. What is that lesson you ask?

When I was young (cannot remember for sure but I believe later elementary school or perhaps middle school) my mom said that I should choose a girl from my class to use as a role model. Wait, what? You mean to tell me that my own mother thought someone was better than me? That of course was my thinking then and it has changed a lot decades later.

She named two particular girls in my class, both of whom happened to be friends and also lived in our neighborhood. I thought she wanted them to be her daughters more than me, so me being me, I rebelled further and became their opposites.

Both of these women are people I keep up with now, at least as much as Facebook and over 300 miles plus miles will allow. I admire the women that they have become and realize now what my mother was really trying to tell me then. Oh hindsight - you are an amazing thing.

The lesson to my daughter is actually a multi-part lesson. For one, having a role model is not a bad thing, nor is it saying you are a bad person or a person who is not good enough! There is nothing wrong with guidance when you’re unsure of how to proceed, even if that guidance comes from someone within your own age group. Honestly our children will usually look towards their peers before they look to us, not because we’re not cool mommies but because that is the way life is.we’re mommies, therefore not cool to them (at least not yet). If you are fortunate enough to be considered a cool mommy in the eyes of your daughter then by all means, celebrate that joy because it may be gone with a blink of an eye (but I assure you, most likely will also reappear after her “terrible teens”).

Secondly, I am going to take a more active role in exposing my daughter to great women and young girls who are doing great things. My daughter is at the age where she is more likely to be molded into what and whom she is surrounded by and therefore I am taking great care in guiding the molding process while still allowing her unique person to shine through. There is a mighty fine line here and I do not want to step over it in either direction. I want my daughter to make her own mistakes, as that is how she will learn and will grow. I also want my daughter to have creative control over things because honestly what harm is it causing a soul if her idea of a cool outfit is a mosh of purple, pink, and green? I love the idea of having a free sprited child who likes to embrace new and unique experiences but at the same time want to keep her safe from harm or making mistakes that have tragic consequences (the art of dressing is hardly a tragic one, nor is the fact that she will outgrow her Dora colored walls in favor of something entirely *gasp* different). 

Finally, I am going to teach my daughter how to like women. I know what you’re thinking and by this I mean I am going to teach her that being friends with girls is okay. I have noticed that young girls and women really do not like one another. We grow up thinking that tearing anothergirl apart is a normal process in growing up; we’re never taught that this is destructive behavior. We’re fed the bull of mean girls being acceptable, when in reality it is far from acceptable at all.

I have always been a strong advocate of women’s rights and the feminist movement. I stopped buying into music that was degrading to women and refuse to utter certain words because of their negative connotation; however, if we are to ask men to stop degrading us, shouldn’t we begin withourselves, our daughters and our girlfriends? Those of you who have daughters that are still between infant and preschool, I want you to know that it is never too early to start! Start with yourselves and begin to build your own network of strong women. Read from the great literary works out loud to your little girls or watch empowering shows on the web or on TV and “discuss” this with your daughter. No, I am not crazy, I promise you. While she may not be ready to debate the topic with you and offer her own opinion you are broadening your own knowledge and by exposing yourself to this daily you are more likely to continue that same exposure when she isold enough to listen and participate. And to the mother of little boys, you are not off the hook here. Before my daughter came into our lives I was also the mother of two boys. Let me be the first to tell you that I took the inititive to reach out to the younger girls around me and attempted to be the surrogate mom. My neighborhood at that time was one of the worst in our city and these girls needed guidance from everyone possible. You may have a neice, a little sister, a small cousin, or a neighborhood girl who needs you to step in and help them out.  With this in mind, who are your role models now compared to who they were then? Who do you want your daughters to look up to (aside from yourself)? What types of things do you do to show your daughter how to empower herself?