More #ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear

As young mothers continue to make their voices heard on Twitter, we’re sharing some posts today that were inspired by the hashtag!

#ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear by Andy Kopsa

I remember the night I got pregnant. It was 1988 and Jim and I were doing it in his parent’s living room on Grant Street, just down the way from where my Grandma used to live. It was Christmas. His dad was asleep downstairs. I was 17.

I just begrudgingly turned 40. My beautiful kid is 6 feet tall, gorgeous, 22 years old, gainfully employed, in a stable relationship with a young man I adore (and he is going to be a history teacher!) and she is currently child free. I consider this to be my greatest accomplishment: that I am not yet a grandparent. I have congratulated her several times for making it out of her teen years without an infant. We laugh our asses off about this – saying babies are gross!

The fact that she turned out so well is not something I can take full credit for – not by a long shot. Being a teen parent – and in my case struggling with a nasty case of alcoholism that waxed and waned (now recovered almost 10 years) – wasn’t easy. I did a messy then at turns, spectacular job as her mother.

My entire family (especially my mom) – and my daughter’s for the most part – deserve credit for the fine young women I carried around in my womb turned out to be. I make sure to remind my child that she lived inside me for two weeks beyond the promised 9 months, typically in front of her friends, to properly embarrass her. She makes a dry heaving sound and again we laugh like mad.

Believe me, I considered abortion. But over a spaghetti dinner one night at the fanciest place in Ames, Iowa, her dad talked me out of it. He was going to be there and he wanted this kid. I admit to romanticizing the notion, some kind of fairy tale was about to unfold. I think we both did.

My memories have faded a lot from that time – it has been over 22 years. Jim and I started out trying to be responsible – getting married, buying a condo with some money he inherited, I tried to stay in college, he got a job in Des Moines – but we couldn’t hold it together.

Please read the rest of Andy’s post - including why her friend’s are almost jealous of her life as a former teen mom - on her blog. You can also follow her on Twitter @andykopsa.

#ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear by Katie

I was 16 when I got pregnant with Dev. His biological father (who isn’t in the picture whatsoever, and never really has been…but that is a whole different blog entry) talked me into keeping him. I was considering adoption and when I brought that up to him he flipped out on me. Called me every name in the book and told me that our child would have a horrible life just like he did. When he was 3 or 4 he was adopted by a family and was physically abused by his adoptive father. Shortly after that I decided that I would keep the baby. He and I were only together for four months of my pregnancy (and only 5 months before that) before he cheated on me and ran off, only to be heard from a few more times during my pregnancy before he fell into heroin addiction.

During my pregnancy, everywhere my mother and I went people would always stare or say rude things to us. “How could you let that happen to your daughter?” they would ask my mother or “Why didn’t you just get an abortion? You’re going to ruin your life!” they would say to me. There was one old lady that worked at the Kmart in our small town who would ALWAYS say rude things to me and my mother when we were in there. We always somehow ended up in her checkout line. A couple of times I cried on the short ride home because of how rude she always was to me. I think my mother ended up complaining about her because she wasn’t around after I gave birth to Dev, two months exactly after my 17th birthday.

How did becoming a young mom inspire her to recommit to her education? Read the rest on Katie’s blog, and find her on Twitter @agirllikeyou13.

#ThingsAYoungMomDoesntWantToHear by Lyndsey

Shortly after leaving my abusive, dead-beat boyfriend I was at my postpartum check up. My beautiful 6-week old daughter was sleeping in her car seat, as I sat in the waiting room filling out papers. Two middle-age ladies who were sitting near by “whispered” to one other about how I was, “Just another one of those girls.” It sadly wasn’t the first nor the last negative comment I have heard.

You’re doing a good job… for a young parent (& why is that surprising?)

Why didn’t you marry your [abusive] baby’s father?

Your life held such potential. [It still does.]

Really? You have two kids?

It’s irresponsible of you to want your own identity and interests.

How unfair that teens are having babies when there are couples who are unable to conceive! [No correlation.]

I was fortunate to connect with a young mom group in my area at that time called MELD. Once a week several other young moms, myself and our children would meet. For the first hour we shared dinner with one another and our children. Afterwards our kids would be watched by volunteers and the remaining time would be split between sharing and education. As we shared our experiences with one another, there seemed to be an endless supply of rude, appalling things we were being told. Though I have graduated from the group, I still keep in contact with most of the moms. I have also made amazing, supportive friendships with many young parents online.

Despite assumptions and stereotypes placed on young mothers, we are succeeding. I’ve completed a college degree and am working on a second one to become a social worker (working with young parents and their children). I’m a member of my school’s honor society and my GPA is a 3.549. My young mom friends have also graduated high school and gone to college.

In the rest of the post, Lyndsey continues to connect with other young moms and make their voices heard. Be sure to check it out and follow her on Twitter @ClearComplexity.