100 Things You Should Never Say to a Teen Mom

Our culture perpetuates the idea that teen mothers are not valuable women and that our children are destined for failure. Many reinforced this idea when they made comments and asked invasive questions about my life. There’s this illusion that teen moms are no longer worthy of empathy or respect, so anger, hatred, bitterness and judgment are projected onto us. I tolerated it at 17 but I fight back at 25.  

In less than 15 minutes, I compiled a list of all the discouraging things I was forced to hear as a teen mom — many of which were spewed by people with “good intentions.” 

1. You’re just a kid

2. Children shouldn’t be having children

3. Your child is more likely to end up in jail now

4. Your kid is more likely to be a teen mom because you were

5. This child probably won’t go to college

6. Your life is over

7. Do you know who the dad is?

8. I know it’s not my business, but (insert anything here)

9. Maybe you will grow up now that you’re a parent

10. Do you think you’re cute now?

11. Why are you proud?

12. Babyshower? Why?

13. Ugh, you must hate your life. 

14. Tell me about how much your life sucks now. 

15. You’re going to need to sacrifice everything for this kid. 

16. Say goodbye to your future.

17. I guess you didn’t have any goals.

18. Should have kept your legs closed.

19. Are you stupid?

20. Didn’t you learn anything from those teen mom shows?

21. Haven’t you heard of condoms?

22. Are you going to live off welfare now?

23. He’s going to leave you, you know. 

24. Why didn’t you get an abortion?

25. How did this happen?

26. Is he around?

27. Aren’t you afraid that you’ll ruin this child’s life?

28. You will ruin this child’s life. 

29. With birth control and condoms so easily available, you must have planned this. 

30. Did you do it to keep your boyfriend around?

31. Are you sure you know who the dad is?

32. This isn’t a fairytale.

33. This baby is your punishment.

34. You’re going to give birth to a kid that will ruin your life. 

35. I bet your mom is gonna raise the baby anyway. 

36. You don’t deserve help.

37. You made your bed, now lay in it. 

38. You’re not like other teen moms

39. You’re just like all teen moms. 

40. You’re just a baby momma now.

41. How much drama do you have in your life?

42. I will only support you when you prove to me that you deserve it.

43. What are you going to do with your life now?

44. You can’t go to college. 

45. Your dreams are not achievable anymore. 

46. You are just a statistic now.

47. I hope you plan on marrying his/her dad. 

48. Why are you going out? You’re a mom.

49. Forget about your social life. 

50. You can’t have fun anymore.

51. It’s not my responsibility to help you.

52. I’m not going to make this easy for you. 

53. You chose this life. 

54. You’re not allowed to complain. 

55. You should have thought about that before you opened your legs. 

56. You should have your kid taken away from you. 

57. Now you can share your story to others who might make the same stupid mistake.

58. Tell me about your shitty life. 

59. I thought you were gay.

60. You must be a freak.

61. You are super fertile.

62. You’re fast.

63. Well, I guess you can audition for Teen Mom now. 

64. How are you going to support a kid when you can’t even support yourself?

65. Your parents must hate you.

66. I’m glad you’re not my kid.

67. My daughter would never make the same mistake you did.

68. Your kid is a mistake.

69. Why are you so happy? You’re a teen mom. 

70. You’re depressed? Get over it. 

71. Of course you’re going to be stressed, you were irresponsible. 

72. No, I will not help you. 

73. You don’t deserve respect. 

74. I’m not saying you’re dumb, I’m saying your choice was dumb.

75. Do you ever wish you just aborted or put it up for adoption?

76. You realize that no guy will ever want you now, right?

77. I’m so glad I’m not a teen mom. 

78. Do you just live off his child support?

79. I don’t understand why you upload photos of your belly. You should be ashamed. 

80. Let me tell you what you need.

81. I know better than you. 

82. Your body must look awful now. 

83. You have too much baggage.

84. No one will marry a single mom.

85. Just give up. 

86. If you don’t go to college, you’re gonna end up poor. 

87. Own up to your mistakes.

88. Don’t blame others for your stupidity.

89. My kid won’t be like yours. 

90. How can you have a kid and be gay?

91. Are you on birth control now? Why not? 

92. How did it happen?

93. Do you wish it never happened?

94. How many more kids will you pop out?

95. Have you learned your lesson?

96. What are you gonna do to make sure your kid doesn’t turn out like you?

97. People like you drain our economy. 

98. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. 

99. No one cares about your story.

100. Stop trying. 

Comments

This is quite a list.....heartbreaking and hard to get through. Thank you for sharing. And best of luck.

I'm sorry you had to listen to these comments. Some people who care deeply for you don't often have the right words to say to support your journey to motherhood. I'm curious what did you do to combat these negative comments?

You should really not talk so much maeby your just jealous of what some people have if u have something rude to say go to hell...and keep your rude comments to yourself

I just simply say its my life and I make my decisions as long as my family accepts me for who I am it doesn't bother me one bit and my baby's father hasn't left he has bought everything and he is always here to support me and my little princesses

Maybe people need to back off. These things should be said to is? Lol you're an idoit then. Talk about bullying someone who doesn't deserve it. We live with our mistakes everyday. We don't need someone like you to rub it in our faces more. So what if people don't help us. I know someone who will. And guess what? Most of us aren't on welfare. Most of us do go to college and most of us will succeed.

It's unfortunate that we still live in a society where young women are shamed for the reproductive choices. I'm grateful for your support and for standing up for me. While I cannot filter the things we have to hear in real life, I can delete those negative messages someone left on here for me. :)

We don't own our children nor should we enslave them with ours or societies ideas how to live..if we raise our children to be morally right and respect others then we need to prove to them we respect their choices..be there to support them provide positive guidance but it is their life not yours or socities..they want to marry young or have children young their choice..my mom was a teen mom high school drop out but became one of the top realtors where we lived and raised 5 kids and all 5 have some form of higher education and have good lives..stats are not correct determination love and support is what makes or breaks...could go on but most will figure it out..always will be those that live on negativity.

As a former teen mother, I have heard more of those statements/comments/questions than I care to admit. It is frustrating that teen pregnancy and parenting opens the door to such negativity. Instead of knocking down these young mothers, who are obviously facing enough obstacles, why can't people encourage, support, and inspire them? Here are some things I wish I had heard, or had heard more often: 1. Now you will have the greatest motivation/inspiration in the world. 2. YOUR choice (to raise, to abort, to put up for adoption) is your own and, frankly, nobody else's business. 3. I will support YOUR choice. 4. I am here for you. 5. Things will be hard, but the experience will make you a better/stronger person. 6. You do not have to be defined by the age when you became a mother. 7. Your goals are achievable. 8. How can I help you reach your goals? 9. You have a chance to show your child(ren) that anything is possible with hard work, determination, and the ability to ask for help when it's needed. 10. Your life is just beginning... This is just a short list, but a little bit of positivity can make all the difference. It definitely did in my life.

I became a mom at 16,my daughter will be 43 in December.It was tough but my folks & in laws helped us at first then The dad joined the air force and we flew on our own.My parents took it hard,got passed it and worked with us. Dont be so hard on them is my advice.It all works out.oh and I did finish school and was a bank manager for 35 yrs..so did my kids

Add new comment